What To Do

Losing a loved one to suicide transcends words.
Without question, it is life altering.

This loss may be one of the most difficult losses that you
will ever encounter in life.

You will survive this

You may feel completely overwhelmed with everything right now.

Please know that you will survive this. You are not alone. Many of us have experienced what you’re experiencing. We, too, are survivors of suicide. We are here to help you and to offer hope. Please hear us when we say, “You are not alone.”

In the U.S., suicide is the 10th leading cause of death among adults. Each year, nearly 50,000 individuals die from suicide. In the state of Ohio, suicide is the 11th leading cause of death. In fact, 1 person dies every 5 hours by suicide in our state.

Since 2000, the suicide rate in this country has continued to increase.

There have also been increases in the percentage of individuals who have:

Seriously considered attempting suicide
Made a suicide plan
Attempted suicide

Suicide affects many individuals and families each and every day. It is a major public health issue.

As a survivor, it’s not unusual to experience a range of emotions, including grief, sadness, anger, abandonment, guilt, shame, fear, shock, and confusion, as well as many others.

You may feel inundated with questions. This is common, too. Others who have lost loved ones to suicide also have felt a vast range of emotions – emotions that often change quickly.

There are some steps you can take; steps that can really help you. So, consider doing (or at least trying) these things:

Share Your Feelings with Another Person

Surviving a suicide loss is accompanied by an array of feelings and emotions. When feeling distressed, you may want to isolate yourself. You may even try to hide from what you’re feeling. Hiding tends to worsen feelings of distress and aloneness.

Instead, tell a loved one or friend exactly how you feel. Be open and authentic, even if it’s confusing,overwhelming, or unclear. Talk honestly about your feelings. Opening up to a trusted individual and bringing them into your inner circle can help you feel less alone and less frightened. This individual may be able to help support you in ways you can’t imagine right now.

Sometimes just having another person listen to you can help. It may provide at least a little comfort and connection.

Openly talking about your feeling can help ease the pain and distress you may be experiencing. Remember: You are not alone.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

The loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult losses you will ever experience. When it happens, it’s common to feel a wide range of emotions. Some of the emotions you may feel and the reactions you may have include:

Ambivalence
Depression
Helplessness
Agitation
Humiliation
Mood swings
Anger
Denial
Irritability
Numbness
Blaming
Despair
Jealousy
Sadness
Moodiness
Disbelief
Confusion
Fear
Loss of interest
Shock
Loneliness
Crying
Guilt
Shame

This list does not include every possible emotion, of course. And you may experience many others. There are, however, some emotions that are common reactions to loss. Please understand that you may experience several emotions all at the same time. This is normal and to be expected.

The intensity and duration of your emotions may have a tendency to change with time. Your mood also can change rapidly. Because of these changes, you also may feel completely overwhelmed. You may even start to question your overall resiliency. Please remember that these emotions are appropriate and can even help you as you grieve.

Understand that it will take time to fully comprehend the intense and extensive impact of your loss. Allowing yourself to grieve can help you in acknowledging your feelings. It can also help you start to cope with the feelings you have because of your loss.

Grieving is a necessary process. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Because there are a vast array of emotions and thoughts you need to work through, it will take time.

There Are Others Who Have Survived Suicide Loss

In losing a loved one to suicide, you may feel that you are completely alone and that no one can truly understand the depth of your pain and loss. In so doing, you may feel compelled to isolate yourself from others and avoid any contact or interaction outside of your home. The feelings of grief and loss can be so overwhelming that you may feel emotionally paralyzed and completely distraught. Your inner thoughts can seem endless. You may believe that there is absolutely no way that someone else can even begin to fathom how you feel.

The truth of the matter is that there are many people who’ve experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide. There are many who are suicide loss survivors just like you. And there are many who have felt how you are feeling right now. You are not alone.

Recognizing the fact that you are not alone can help you. There are individuals who understand your feelings and who can help you. First, recognize that you are not alone. Second, reach out and talking to an individual who understands your distress and the emotions you’re experiencing.

For now, please know that there is a community of suicide loss survivors that you can reach out to for love and support. When you’re ready and when you feel comfortable, contact these individuals and allow them to share in your journey towards healing.

There are many suicide survivor support groups that also can be quite helpful. Even when it’s hard, continue moving forward knowing these two things: (1) You are not alone. (2) You will not always feel the way you feel right now.

Take Care of Yourself

The grieving process can be quite grueling, and it can take its toll on your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. In order to heal and to manage your daily activities, you need to take care of own health, even when it feels really hard to or you don’t want to. Make sure to prioritize taking care of the various dimensions of your personal health. Eating healthy, moving or participating in some type of physical activity, getting quality sleep, and tending to your emotional health can help in your healing process.

Here are some activities to help you take care of yourself:

Develop a Daily Schedule and Routine
Allow yourself to feel and grieve
Eat Healthy
Do Something Physically Active Each Day
Try to Get a Quality Night’s Sleep
Focus on the Present Moment
Slow Down and Breathe
Go Outside and Enjoy Nature
Do Things You Enjoy
Do Not Use Alcohol or Drugs
Connect with a Pet
Open Up and Connect with Others

Reach Out to Other Survivors of Suicide Loss

There is a community of suicide loss survivors who you can reach out to for love and support. When you’re ready and when you feel comfortable, contact these individuals and allow them share in your journey towards healing.

Attend a Survivor Support Group

There are others who have survived the loss of suicide. You are not alone. Attending a support group can provide you with support from others who’ve gone through what you’re going through. It can be especially healing to hear the stories of how others have traveled along their grief journey. Continue moving forward, knowing that you are not alone. Remember, you will not always feel the way you feel right now.

Talk to a Mental Health Professional

A mental health professional can help you express and process your feelings of grief and your intense emotions. If you feel that your grief is overwhelming or unmanageable, please reach out to a mental health professional. There are mental health professionals located throughout your community who can help. You’ll most likely find them within community mental health facilities, hospitals, and private settings. Reach out to one for assistance. Sharing your feelings with a mental health professional can help you process your grief and move towards a place of healing.

Ask for Help in Managing Logistical Issues

Accompanying the loss of your loved one will be a variety of logistical issues – each of which needs to be managed. Addressing these issues in an effective and timely manner can help reduce anxiety and help you begin the grieving process. It’s important to realize that you are not expected to take charge of everything that needs to be done nor do you need to direct everyone in the things they must do. Ask for help, instead of trying to do everything yourself.

Delegate a friend or family member to serve as a support person for you. Ask this individual to help you tell family and friends about what’s happened. You may also want to ask this person to manage any offers of help from your family and friends.

People will want to know what they can do to help. Let them. Here are some tasks that others can take care of for you:

Ambivalence
Depression
Helplessness
Agitation
Humiliation
Mood swings
Anger
Denial
Irritability
Numbness
Blaming
Despair
Jealousy
Sadness
Moodiness
Disbelief
Confusion
Fear
Loss of interest
Shock
Loneliness
Crying
Guilt
Shame

Another thing that needs to be managed is the funeral and memorial. Allow family members and the funeral director to assist you in making these arrangements. Legal matters also will need to be addressed. Contact an attorney to help you in handling these legal issues.

Suicide & Crisis Lifeline